The Wavering Artist

Ok, so I had a bit of a panic attack last night about all the financial energy I've been pouring into the Boat Festival craft fair I'm attending with my artwork at the end of June. Having spent the day painting a waterscape (not finished yet) and the evening mounting and cellophaning Red Dress prints and printing more cards I had an overwhelming fear that I would go to the event with all my stuff which includes Red Dress work, landscapes, wildlife and my portfolio of commissioned portraits and would end up taking it all home again after 2 days, being severely out of pocket. What would I then do with all the stuff that would further clutter up my already fit to burst work room?

 

 

 

It seems that every time I get a new idea for a direction in which to go with my artwork, I run with it only to fall flat on my face. I realised though that I don't persevere, I take one knock then think what I'm doing isn't good enough and try something else. I never give one thing a chance long enough or have the confidence to approach shops/galleries with what I've produced after I've seen myself fail in one area. I always feel as if I haven't quite yet found my thing or my niche and keep waiting for an epiphany. My energy is scattered in so many different fields. To look at the different types of work that I produce, you would think that every one of them is done by a different artist, they are so diverse.

 

So where did I go wrong?

 

 

 

I first started painting as a business 9 years ago. I started with portraits as I my son was about a year old and my Mother-in-Law gave me a set of pastels saying that with all this free time on my hands I could use a hobby!! Free time? With a baby? Well, anyway, I did my first portrait in pastel of my son and I liked it, so did my family and friends so I decided to do more. Not long after I was getting paid for them and eventually created a website, a business name, began advertising and so forth. My portraits have always been well received and I'm comfortable with them after many years of practice. They are comforting for me, people bring me photos, tell me what they want, I paint it, they're happy, I get paid, I'm happy but the work is sporadic and I needed to supplement it if I was to try and make a living.

 

 

 

So, about 5 years ago, I booked myself some exhibition space and started working towards what I thought people would like to buy. I'd already ventured into wildlife painting in pastel after attending a 3 day course with Vic Bearcroft so I ran with that. I also hedged my bets with some local landscapes painted in acrylic so the exhibition was literally half and half, wildlife down one side and landscapes down the other. I called it Bright Eyes and Blue Skies. After 3 weeks I'd sold only a few pieces making enough to cover my expenses but not much more. I took it all home again. Over the next few years most of the landscapes sold by me putting a couple into group exhibitions here or there, a couple at a time. I'm still left with 8 pieces on my walls at home from 2007. They are always admired but still they sit. Having said that I have sold many prints of the work so I musn't discount that.

 

 

 

Then in a fit of madness I decided to try Pin-Up art. I loved the Burlesque style and the Pin-Ups of the 40s and 50s and thought I would have a go at some of my own. I naively entered 3 into a local group exhibition that is a tad conservative and all 3 were turned down. Mortified, I did the walk of shame to collect them and never went back. I even set up a website for this genre under the pseudonym Venus de Mons. I sold 2 of them framed at their original price and the rest went recently on Ebay for £10 each.

 

 

 

After this failure, I decided to go back to what I was best at and invested in attending the Discover Dogs Show 2009 in London. As you can imagine the cost of the stand, travel, and preparation for this was hefty but I was convinced that if anything was going to bring me in work it was targetted promotion and where better to do it than a place teeming with dog lovers? My dog portraits are still my best seller. I even printed up money off vouchers for the first 100 portraits expecting to be inundated with work shortly afterwards. Everyone who visited my stand enthused over my portraits but not a single job came from it. Not a single one!

 

 

 

This was a real kick in the teeth and I was about ready to give up and then life took over for a while. Over the next 2 years I was very well occupied trying to get my life straight, I took some heavy fire and had to battle my way through it. None of which I'm prepared to go into on here. Suffice to say, hell and back would not be much of an exaggeration. In desperation to find some direction and answers I visited a psychic who told me to continue pursuing my art career, that it would be a good way to heal and would prove fruitful in time but that I needed to work more creatively. This was the inspiration for The Red Dress art. She just appeared on my blank piece of paper one night when I had no idea what I was going to paint. I found that the ideas flowed naturally and easily for her journey as it was also mine and people liked her simplicity. She has helped me heal and I am glad she came. Last October I held and exhibition with only Red Dress paintings and it went well. I thought that maybe this was my path but it seems that now my life is much happier and more secure my work with her has ground to a halt and I have lost confidence in her.

 

 

 

When I applied for a stand at the Portsoy Annual Boat Festival it was with the intention of displaying only Red Dress work but now as I near the event I have panicked and started painting boat/sea related scenes (well, it is a boat festival)! I have found myself enjoying painting them but yet again they are speculative and as I pour energy into a different area yet again, my message becomes more scattered. What am I showing to people? Versatility? I'd like to think so but, more likely, incoherence!

 

 

 

So what next for me? I really don't know but if this doesn't work out I'll just have to pick myself up and grow some balls so that I can go and tout my wares in the most likely places they will sell. i.e. gift shops and galleries. So what if I'm not confident, I can fake it with the best of them! I'm not giving up just yet :-)

 

I'd value you're comments on this or any insights you may have in this field.